So, I figured out my problem.

I lead a very routine, structured life.

That's right.

Everything has to be just so.

Well, once in a great while, this gets to me. I start getting restless. Next thing you know, I'll do something completely out of character.

Then back to normal again.

Except, it's not always that easy to go back.

And given my compassionate nature, I prolong things way longer than I should. And that creates all sorts of nasty situations.

I've lost touch with a lot of important people in my life. And quite a few of them without nary a goodbye. Somewhere, somehow, those feelings I used to have that ran my life died. Just like that. And when I think of how much impact they made on me then, and how little import they hold now... it's kind of baffling. Before, just the thought of that person you loved leaving you... you freak out. You say things you never thought you'd say, do things you'd never thought you do. Now, it's like... nothing. I don't know how else to say it. There's no hate, no love. Nothing.

And it's not only the romantic ones... but the platonic ones as well.

they gave her some of her shots today and now she is like the crankiest baby, ever. EVER.

So, he suggested we break up.

And we did.

So that's that.

There are times when I find myself staring at the big pile of dirt outside the kitchen window while washing Layla's bottle and thinking to myself...

Someone, somewhere, please, just shoot me.

I fucking hate my life. That's right. I'm sappy. Any excuse to just end it.

Every time I hear him laughing or carrying on with his life as if he hasn't a worry in the world, I want to stomp on his head. Stomp stomp stomp. But he's so fucking thickheaded, I'd only hurt my foot. That fucker. How dare he laugh and smile while I cry myself to sleep everynight thanks to his dumbass putting me thousands of dollars in debt. ffqwefjnfewjkqJQW I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYTJMORE.!!!

I can't keep paying all the bills. And boy, do they pile. I should have listened to my parents and ran when I had the chance. Now I stare at my daughter and think YOU... I'M TIED BECAUSE OF YOU!!!

Who am I kidding. It's not her fault. It's mine. Mine mine mine...

So, since douchebag broke the other one... my mama got me a new phone. I kinda like it. It's a lot lighter than my previous one.



I got insurance on it. Just in case.

( hubba hubba... )

How did I make such a cute baby. Seriously.